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I HAD to bath her in those days, for safety and to help her clean herself - for any non-parents reading this, 3 year old kids are NOT very aware of their own personal hygeine needs!

Something I remember my late wife saying when she bathed her was "Let's clean your front bum and your back bum" which she told me was what her own Mother used to say to her when she was little, so I said it; A; So she knew we had to get those parts clean, and B; To remind her a little of her Mum, and how she used to bath her.

Now clearly that had to be done at that time, due to her age, but as she got older, 4, 5 and 6 years old, she still wanted me to bath her, and specially to clean her private parts.

Now she is just 7 her birthday was in September and still she wants me to bath her, and will now specifically ask "Now do my back bum", and "Now do my front bum".

She really loves me to do it, and will say "Just a bit more, a bit more, OK! I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable now, and I've told her that she should do it herself now, but she won't have it, and gets very withdrawn and sad when I have insisted that she does it.

I don't want her upset, so I renaged and started to do it for her again. I do feel that, for her, it's a kind of connection to the past when her Mummy used to do it, which she must remember, and she thinks that Dad has to do it now, because Mum's gone.

I'm not offended by it, and in all honesty, I would leave it till she didn't ask any more, but I'm a bit worried that, if she should innocently say something about it to a friend, or worse still, a teacher or one of her aunties, I could be burned at the stake for something which I started because I had to, and which I have tried to stop, but I can't for fear of her going into another withdrawal episode.

It's as if I've said I don't love her any more - that's the kind of reaction I get1. I'm starting to want a woman's company too - just someone to take out and talk to - and yes, I do miss sex terribly, but I can't imagine what my daughter would say and do, and even if she was OK about it, which I doubt, what if she wanted me to bath her and "do her bums - back and front" while any new partner was down?

Or even if she just mentioned it? There's another thing which has only recently started to happen. She came into the bathroom when I was in the bath.

I usually bathe with the same bathwater as she's had, but with a bit more added. She got in and tried to touch my privates, to "do yours" as she put it, but I told her I had to do it.

Again she reacted as if I'd said I was leaving home or something. She came in again 2 nights later, and tried again, and I told her No again, and then last night, when I allowed her wash it with soap and that was all there was to it.

She just dried herself again and smiled at me and went into her bedroom. Before I read her her bedtime story I told her that "grown ups always clean themselves down there" but she just said "I like doing it for you", and again looked really hurt that I didn't seem to want her to do it.

How the heck am I going to sort this out? If I let it continue, it's "ICKY" to quote from the Friends episode, and if I try to stop it, she goes into hibernate mode and won't talk to me.

From a female perspective, I agree with others that you need to stop the current bathtime routine but my thought is that you need to slowly phase out the process rather than stopping one day.

Its clear that she sees this as bonding time and it holds memories for her so personally, I'd start saying that you'll do it to show her how to do it properly now that now shes a big girl and how her 'lady bits' and body are becomming her responsibility.

Maybe every other day she cleans herself so that she learns how to do it and put lots of emphasis on how grown up shes getting, slowly she should start to get used to washing herself, maybe you could still be around at first while she is such as tidying in the bathroom so she doesnt feel shes being left alone.

Own it! You need to talk to your child and explain it in a way that's positive. She's growing up and becoming a big girl!

Big girls wash their own privates and get to relax in the tub without Dad watching over them, and Dad gets his private time, too. Also, jesus man..

Sounds like you two could really use someone else to talk to, together and privately. No shame in it. A good therapist who specializes in children could give you much better advice than the people in this thread, including me.

I'm not even a parent. Yeah, I helped several young girls who were left with single fathers after they came to my country for medical care after a natural disaster.

It is a hard issue to deal with for sure. I helped them with female things and hygeine a lot I am a female. Therapy is certainly needed but for the bathing issue, something very simple like buying her some new "big girl" bathing supplies- like nice lotion and body wash Tell her that when girls turn 7 they bathe themselves with this new stuff.

Leave it at that and stick to it. Just because she has been through trauma does not mean she gets a "get out of discipline free" card. He has to remember that and enforce it consistently now or he will have a hell of a time when she is older and realizes how she can manipulate him.

Tiny anecdote here: I'm about to become a doctor, and even I needed therapy after a traumatic incident early on in my life. We all need a little help from time to time.

It'll be great for you and your daughter. Please get yourselves the help you need. I agree. Therapy could definitely help.

Hey being this clingy and manipulative, if left to continue into adulthood, could affect her relationships and ultimately her life.

As said, don't let the stigma get to you. I'm getting my degree to become a therapist, and I've been to see one numerous times. They'll definitely help in curbing potentially detrimental behaviors and ways of thinking.

Please do not listen to the "You are a parent so exercise your parental authority, end of story" comments. Thats what you tell a kid who wont stop whining for more candy.

That is not what you tell a child who has been through a traumatic situation. Get professional help from someone who knows how to deal with traumatized children.

This is great advice! With the Internet its easy to start to think we can find all the answers ourselves sometimes, but this is a complicated situation, and a professional counselor would help immensely, and take some of the pressure off of OP.

Perhaps its time to talk to her about the concept of private areas. Also you do need to stand your ground here as you are the adult.

I understand you dont want to hurt her but in the long term you are causing hurt by allowing this dysfunctional behaviour to continue.

Good luck. Throw her an "I'm a big girl now" party, where you celebrate all the big-girl things she can do for herself now.

Tell her that because she's a big girl, she will now be allowed to wash herself, she'll get a bigger allowance, she'll get to pick her own clothes, she'll get a cell phone, etc.

Get her a cake and a couple presents, and get her other family members involved. Just explain to them that your daughter has continued to be very clingy in unusual ways, and so you want her to see growing up as a positive thing.

You want her to make a mental break between how she acted as a young child and how she will act going forward. Then, if she continues to ask you to do certain things, you can just remind her that she is officially a big girl now, so she gets to do them on her own now.

Good luck! You're getting a lot of shit for this from people who obviously have no idea what you're going through.

I can't even begin to fathom how hard this situation has been for you guys. Get some help from someone who actually knows what they're talking about rather than Reddit.

You sound like your heart is in the right place and you are stuck in a complicated and confusing situation. I agree with other posters that you need to establish boundaries and enforce them in a kind yet firm manner.

Give her a simple explanation to let her know that she hasn't done anything wrong, it's just that daddy is a boy and she is a girl, and boys and girls take care of their own private areas when they become more grown-up like she is.

However, you should not withdraw physical contact, you just need to make sure it is appropriate.

You can increase other forms of physical nurturing, such as brushing each other's hair or painting her nails and maybe let in her file or buff your nails.

I do hope you make it a priority to find some time to date. In the long run it will be great for her to have another adult around who loves her and makes her father happy.

Brush her teeth for her or something - something that can't be construed as sexual. Just from personal experiences, it really sucks to have a girlfriend around; especially when things go south.

It can also very very quickly lead to feeling like "daddy doesn't care about me any more", especially in these coming years.

This is the best response imo, and I really like the idea of replacing the bathing with another bonding activity.

Although, I am not a widower I am a single father with two young girls. My wife disappeared without warning and has had no contact with us for several years.

Before the oldest started elementary school I slowly let her bathe alone and would check I on her every few minutes. After a month she was fine bathing on her own without any help.

The therapist told me that slowly transitioning would be better just suddenly ending It, namely because they had already lost their mother and it would be traumatic because it was a type of security to them.

I have wanted to date again, but right now I feel it is not the time. I need to focus my energy on my daughters. Though, oldest has started to tell me which women she thinks would make a nice mommy for "us".

In time, I will date again but not now. She is young enough to still want to be bathed, but is too old to bathe with you. You should explain to her that while there is nothing wrong with private parts, that she is old enough for you too to bathe separately.

My daughter is 10 and it is only in the last year or two she got self conscious. Though I never bathed with her, I was at least doing her hair on nights my wife was out until she could do it herself curly hair which was probably close to 8.

Even then, she did not like being in the bathroom herself for at least another year. EDIT: My wife started treatment for breast-cancer when our daughter was 7.

As part of dealing with it, our daughter regressed a bit, such as being afraid of being by herself, sleeping with lights on again etc. Therapy helped her.

She needs structure and boundaries, that provides more support to her in the long term than coddling and fawning.

Exactly, I felt especially when I read the part about how you originally managed to tell her that washing your privates wasn't okay, but then you relented - that's telling her she can get ANYTHING she wants.

Harsh truth: if you don't fix this, she will be an insufferable brat by the time she's a teenager. Yeah, I don't think the problem that OP is having is with authority.

It's trying to balance out the right way to help her mature as a person vs. This is completely unhelpful. How it has upvotes is beyond me.

Did any of you even read it? God thats sad. Its so sad that our culture has become so over sexualized you can't even seek help thats needed because 'every adult male is a child molester' mentality.

If this was a mother asking, it wouldnt even be a question. Even if there WAS something funny going on. Maybe she should see a child counselor, she's obviously been through trauma and might even have PTSD.

And, yes, she will throw a 'sad' tantrum but you just ignore it. She only does it because she knows it causes you to cave in ;.

She may take her own genital health more seriously if it is coming from such an authority figure, as problematic as that may be if it becomes a default.

Your authority that is: the establishment of healthy boundaries and the teaching of independizing life skills, including self-confidence is also crucially important at this stage of her life.

My mother had a doctor explain this hygiene to me at a similar age after a series of childhood urinary tract infections. Girls actually do need to be taught how to wipe properly and keep clean otherwise they get UTIs easily and constantly which is really bad for health.

I don't quite understand why you think she needs to be 17 to learn about hygiene. And there's a way of discussing this in a way that is a age appropriate, b non-intimidating, and c provides her with the information she needs as a seven-year old.

Besides, establishing a positive partnership with a skilled and knowledgeable family doctor is one of the best things you can do to establish a lifetime of good health!

You're being simplistic. OP should get a therapist. Your advice is fine for someone in a common situation. Eh, I wouldn't automatically prescribe a therapist if OP can help her get to a place of self-comfort, self-confidence, and self-sufficiency through carefully-guided parenting, which can be learned from non-therapist professionals.

But, yes, the direct, intervening help of a edit1: skilled and knowledgeable! Remember edit2 : Therapists, much like doctors and other clinical stranger-professionals, can further traumatize the separation-anxious child and actually hinder healing!

This is why I was hesitant to prescribe a therapist from the get-go. At least a family doctor is a professional she is already familiar with.

This is not a good idea with a highly traumatized child. He is literally all she has on the entire world so him being strict and angry will really, really mess with her in a way that isn't comparable to a normal child.

It could be very seriously damaging and make her lose the closeness he has earned. She is a seriously traumatized child, she needs therapy, not someone shouting at her to act normal.

It's a bandaid fix. You fix this one issue but ignore the underlying and more important issues and it doesn't help anyone in the long run.

This is not normal parenting, normal advice really does not apply. Someone said in here that fixing the bathroom issue is only solving a symptom and I totally agree.

Therapy or some kind of external help is really needed but for now, being firm but not mean about keeping bathroom time separate will help.

Normally yes, but this girl hasn't had a normal childhood so I don't think that would be wise - if OP can afford it I'd go to a psychiatrist.

First, I am truly sorry for your loss. I had a friend of mine that went through a similar experience losing his wife at a young age to cancer.

He was the same as you and was a single father raising a small girl on his own. As a father myself I would recommend having the private areas conversation with her.

I also think you are just going to have to tell her no and she is old enough to bath herself. She may get upset and chances are she will, but this does not need to go on any longer.

It needs to stop immediately because the older she gets the worse it will get. Good luck and I hope things go well for you.

Some harsh words on here! You both really need to seek a professional to help you heal. You very much need to learn to create healthy boundaries.

Of course, you want a close bond with your daughter. But the way things are currently with bathing is very inappropriate. She is old enough to remember you washing her and you letting her wash you.

What is she going to think about you when she is old enough to understand how seriously messed up that is to allow? I'm not trying to be rude by any means, just honest.

My husband lost his father young. He lived in fear for years about losing his mother too. They have a very strong bond.

But she never got help to deal with the loss, and never dated again. Trust me, not dating because you think it would be difficult for your child is a big BIG mistake.

Someday your little girl will be a woman, and will go get a life of her own. While she very much needs you now, she will need you to not be alone and miserable in a few decades and feel free to have a life and family of her own without feeling guilty.

It is so so important for you to move forward with your life and find happiness and love again. For you and for her. Best wishes to you. I hope you can get this issue resolved and both have a bright wonderful future.

You need to stand up and say "no" and she needs to learn to take care of herself. I have a 7 yr old also and she may need a little help in the bath, but I tell her to clean her privates herself.

I am a little disturbed that you let your daughter clean your privates for you. Obviously she may not get the connotation of doing something like this but he should!

Geez, that's so inappropriate. Plus how do you even budge there? She throws a tantrum so you let her touch you inappropriately?

A dad here with a almost 4 year old. I hear you loud and clear. Small steps mate and make it as if it positive for her to do.

Fuck the people who bang on about tough love etc. This has a far simpler solution than you think. I say solution..

Make her bathe herself, and insist she stays out of the bathroom while you're in there. Yes it's addressing a symptom and not the problem, but it at least solves the issues now and gives you time to think about what to do.

It's totally inappropriate and will cause problems. Man up and don't give in when she wants you to wash her privates.

Maybe make it like a "big girl" thing, where she's now old enough to do it herself! Wow, OP. That's a bitch of a situation. Have you tried sitting down with her and explaining, very honestly, why that's a problem?

I get that 7 is probably a bit too young to have the full-on sex talk, but perhaps some progress could be made by acknowledging that you understand she enjoys it, and even that it reminds her of her mom, but that it still has to stop, and this is why, etc.

Maybe you could even ease out of it over time by saying "Ok, I'll take care of the back bum for a while, but you have to start doing the front.

It sucks that the world is full of people like a lot of the ones in this thread, who apparently see everything as black and white without any regard for the delicate situation you find yourself in.

Sorry, doctor's orders. I want you to be healthy, don't you want to be healthy? If even a hint of this reaches adult ears, you will be arrested.

Your daughter will be taken away and wind up who-knows-where, in a situation that's likely to be hell.

Your entire life will be destroyed - with one phone call from one snippet of overheard conversation. Expect that she will continue to do what works for as long as it works.

Who is in charge here you or her? I understand that it's difficult, I have 2 children myself, but she needs to learn boundaries and you aren't teaching her because you keep caving in to her.

Call her bluff and let her go into hibernate mode. Tell her you love her very much but that you have told her the rules and that's the end of it.

You'll be here waiting when she's ready to talk to you again. Once she realises that you will actually stick to your word and not back down then that behaviour should stop.

I'm a single mum with a girl and a boy. My son had to learn how to keep himself clean early on. I told him how and explained thoroughly what he needed to do.

Did the same with my daughter, but yes it was less awkward washing her. They were both also young but basically it was keep repeating how to clean properly and reinforcing what they need to do.

If the "hibernate mode" you were referring to was nothing more than a temper tantrum, then I'd say, yes, go for that. It's not however.

It sounds very much to me like a separation anxiety issue. To force her into a withdrawal like OP refers to would be devastating to the child and most definitely her relationship with her father.

This isn't normal behavior, telling OP to treat it as such isn't helping the situation. A lot of people are recommending that you attempt to stop this behavior by yourself.

What you and yr daughter need to do is attend both individual and family therapy. Especially since yr daughter was so young when she lost her mother and her grandmother, it is imperative that you get her into therapy as quickly as possible so that she can learn from a professional how to deal with her grief and the new family dynamic.

I would also recommend you pursue therapy individually as well. Losing yr wife and now having sole responsibility for a young child is a lot of emotions to process at once, and having an adult space where you can talk about what you are going through without judgement can help.

I have a question that's hard to ask, and probably harder for you to asnwer When she was cleaning you did you have any physical reaction?

Your daughter is 7. At this age touching privet parts is a sexual thing. She may not understand why she wants to do it, but she knows that it feels good.

It's up to you to teach her what is appropriate between family members. Hypothetically if it an uncle or male cousin was ingaging mutual genital touching, would you consider that sexual?

If so why the hell are you doing it? She even asked you to touch her longer. Rachet that talk down a bit. Not disagreeing with your individual points, but asking the OP to compare himself with a nonexistent molester is pretty fucked up.

There's a million comments already, and I think it will give you ideas on how to fix this, so I won't offer specific advice. Plus, I don't know much about this, I have a 15 month old son, but am just doing my best and kind of making things up as I go along sometimes But, your heart is in the right place, you are doing your best through an awful situation I can't even imagine.

So talk to someone, like therapy, counseling, whatever Do what you have to do, but accept that you aren't perfect and won't be a perfect father, and that's ok Were your own parents perfect?

Did they hurt you sometimes in some ways that they didn't intend? And yet you turned out pretty great, and your daughter has a loving father who cares, the memory of a loving mother, and she's going to be ok too.

Thing will work out, as long as you keep trying to do what's right and working on yourself, and no matter what happens you are there for your little one when she needs you, and it will be ok.

Man, I need to go talk to someone as well, speaking of that Time to make myself an appointment with my counselor. When I was eight or so I had a pretty good idea of men vs women It's super hard, but you have to learn to say no.

All the things she is doing are natural explorations of the world, and one of the things kids do it probe the boundaries. At some point, you have to draw the line.

She's moan and wail and gnash her teeth, but once she realizes that escalating her behavior doesn't work it will take a while she'll give up and give in.

It'll be the worst thing you've ever done because she knows how to push your buttons and will pull out all the stops to make you feel like a monster.

It is a great book, and it has appropriate language and guidelines for a child to understand. Not only that, it will address the issues she will face in the coming months and years.

Finally, perhaps consider getting her a doll she can care for, rather than allow her to continue to wash you -- she can feel more responsible and have more control, too.

Op i really think your little girl needs to get some professional help. I can see problems forming right now. You should put your foot down.

And the fact is she clearly loves you unconditionally. She may mope around for a day or two if she doesn't get her way, but once you set the rules she'll understand and isn't going to be upset with you long term Reminds me of when I was a kid I was upset I didn't get my way with something so I went in my room and lay on my bed and cried like a baby for an hour Never tried that again lol.

I was a little older than your daughter but I knew what I was doing and why I was being ignored. And thank god my mother didn't give in every time I did that or I'd probably be a spoiled asshole as an adult.

You have to put your foot down with her before you ruin her. And she needs therapy for her separation anxiety issues. You could also use some parenting classes to help you make the right decisions.

Please get help now. If you wait any longer, she could be plagued with these anxiety issues for the rest of her life. I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

It sounds like you've still got a wonderful little family though. You need to start being a parent and less of a babysitter, you can't always pander to her always otherwise she will get really spoiled.

I can't comprehend your loss, but I do have a 6yo girl who is a drama llama to say the least, so I do understand how you feel about not wanting to disappoint her.

How is her relationship with her aunt? It may be time to bring in a trusted female to explain private areas, feminine washing, future periods, womanly things.

That is not to say you should withdraw from that. You should be there if aunt and daughter are comfortable with that to show that she can talk to you about any feminine things as well.

If you want to keep what little freedom you have, and be able to continue living with your daughter, you'll tell her that she has to bath herself, and lock the door when you use the bathroom, from now on.

I know. Don't get me wrong.. Make no mistake about what's at risk. It's your job as a parent to protect her from these dangers.

Time to step up. Your daughter obviously has some emotional issues that need to be resolved. I would suggest using emotional therapy techniques to help her overcome these issues.

A great one that works for me is at this website. It's free to learn and easy to do after you know how. Even if you mean it innocently, can you imagine if she told someone "daddy washes my front bum and he let me wash his" how that would sound.

Do you think the authorities would believe you? People that abuse children often make excuses and that is what you would sound like. You don't wanna traumatize her by saying no but imagine the trauma if she was removed from your care while you were investigated and accused of sexually abusing her.

As a father of 4 - wtf? Dude, being a parent involves a lot more than playing dollhouse with their kids. This is creepy that you've allowed this.

Model appropriate behavior to her and don't allow inappropriate behavior. By placate to her fits you are teaching her it is beneficial to be manipulative to get what you want.

My dad has bathed me - including washing my privates - for as long as I can remember. He and I have talked about it in the past, and we agreed that it is just a nice way for us to feel close and that it is no big deal.

It mostly stopped when I moved out to go to college. Now we try to do it when I visit, but its not always possible. I guess if you're okay with it That's a good way to bond with your dad, will you carry on the tradition with your kids if you decide to have any?

Probably not. I know these kind of things can lead to a lot of problems down the road. Tell her your thoughts on it, and whether or not you accept it.

Make her get dressed if shes doing it for no reason. Maybe they are wanting attention, or maybe they heard something weird at school?

They seem to be learning and experiencing their bodies and possibly sexuality. Honestly this is a pretty strong sign for the future.

Do you have a father figure in the house? And if you do not approve of this, then you have to lay down the rules! Feel free to email me.

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Good luck.

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Hot Dad - The Birth of My Daughter Changed My Life Your daughter is 7. Discussion scary. She even suggested the kid was being abused or Rahindee james been abused. Maybe she should see a child counselor, she's obviously been through trauma and might even have PTSD. I come in the house, grab my beer, and decide to check to make sure things are still OK. Meta Posts Meta posts are for moderator use only. Tell her you love her very much Free videos of naked woman that you have told her the rules Free xxx vedios that's the end of it. I hope you can get this issue resolved and both have a bright wonderful future. You should explain to her that while there is Middle aged blow job wrong with private parts, that she Kardashian sex old enough for you too to Horny milf separately.

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She may not understand why she wants to do it, but she knows that it feels good. It's up to you to teach her what is appropriate between family members.

Hypothetically if it an uncle or male cousin was ingaging mutual genital touching, would you consider that sexual? If so why the hell are you doing it?

She even asked you to touch her longer. Rachet that talk down a bit. Not disagreeing with your individual points, but asking the OP to compare himself with a nonexistent molester is pretty fucked up.

There's a million comments already, and I think it will give you ideas on how to fix this, so I won't offer specific advice. Plus, I don't know much about this, I have a 15 month old son, but am just doing my best and kind of making things up as I go along sometimes But, your heart is in the right place, you are doing your best through an awful situation I can't even imagine.

So talk to someone, like therapy, counseling, whatever Do what you have to do, but accept that you aren't perfect and won't be a perfect father, and that's ok Were your own parents perfect?

Did they hurt you sometimes in some ways that they didn't intend? And yet you turned out pretty great, and your daughter has a loving father who cares, the memory of a loving mother, and she's going to be ok too.

Thing will work out, as long as you keep trying to do what's right and working on yourself, and no matter what happens you are there for your little one when she needs you, and it will be ok.

Man, I need to go talk to someone as well, speaking of that Time to make myself an appointment with my counselor. When I was eight or so I had a pretty good idea of men vs women It's super hard, but you have to learn to say no.

All the things she is doing are natural explorations of the world, and one of the things kids do it probe the boundaries. At some point, you have to draw the line.

She's moan and wail and gnash her teeth, but once she realizes that escalating her behavior doesn't work it will take a while she'll give up and give in.

It'll be the worst thing you've ever done because she knows how to push your buttons and will pull out all the stops to make you feel like a monster.

It is a great book, and it has appropriate language and guidelines for a child to understand. Not only that, it will address the issues she will face in the coming months and years.

Finally, perhaps consider getting her a doll she can care for, rather than allow her to continue to wash you -- she can feel more responsible and have more control, too.

Op i really think your little girl needs to get some professional help. I can see problems forming right now.

You should put your foot down. And the fact is she clearly loves you unconditionally. She may mope around for a day or two if she doesn't get her way, but once you set the rules she'll understand and isn't going to be upset with you long term Reminds me of when I was a kid I was upset I didn't get my way with something so I went in my room and lay on my bed and cried like a baby for an hour Never tried that again lol.

I was a little older than your daughter but I knew what I was doing and why I was being ignored. And thank god my mother didn't give in every time I did that or I'd probably be a spoiled asshole as an adult.

You have to put your foot down with her before you ruin her. And she needs therapy for her separation anxiety issues.

You could also use some parenting classes to help you make the right decisions. Please get help now. If you wait any longer, she could be plagued with these anxiety issues for the rest of her life.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It sounds like you've still got a wonderful little family though. You need to start being a parent and less of a babysitter, you can't always pander to her always otherwise she will get really spoiled.

I can't comprehend your loss, but I do have a 6yo girl who is a drama llama to say the least, so I do understand how you feel about not wanting to disappoint her.

How is her relationship with her aunt? It may be time to bring in a trusted female to explain private areas, feminine washing, future periods, womanly things.

That is not to say you should withdraw from that. You should be there if aunt and daughter are comfortable with that to show that she can talk to you about any feminine things as well.

If you want to keep what little freedom you have, and be able to continue living with your daughter, you'll tell her that she has to bath herself, and lock the door when you use the bathroom, from now on.

I know. Don't get me wrong.. Make no mistake about what's at risk. It's your job as a parent to protect her from these dangers. Time to step up.

Your daughter obviously has some emotional issues that need to be resolved. I would suggest using emotional therapy techniques to help her overcome these issues.

A great one that works for me is at this website. It's free to learn and easy to do after you know how. Even if you mean it innocently, can you imagine if she told someone "daddy washes my front bum and he let me wash his" how that would sound.

Do you think the authorities would believe you? People that abuse children often make excuses and that is what you would sound like.

You don't wanna traumatize her by saying no but imagine the trauma if she was removed from your care while you were investigated and accused of sexually abusing her.

As a father of 4 - wtf? Dude, being a parent involves a lot more than playing dollhouse with their kids. This is creepy that you've allowed this.

Model appropriate behavior to her and don't allow inappropriate behavior. By placate to her fits you are teaching her it is beneficial to be manipulative to get what you want.

My dad has bathed me - including washing my privates - for as long as I can remember. He and I have talked about it in the past, and we agreed that it is just a nice way for us to feel close and that it is no big deal.

It mostly stopped when I moved out to go to college. Now we try to do it when I visit, but its not always possible. I guess if you're okay with it That's a good way to bond with your dad, will you carry on the tradition with your kids if you decide to have any?

Probably not. I know these kind of things can lead to a lot of problems down the road. I love my dad and the connection I have with him, though. What you are doing is not okay.

You are not her friend, you are her parent, and it is your job to see that she grows up as a functional human being. She needs to move on from her clinginess and dysfunction and have therapy if needed.

The two of you will live through the tantrums. To be honest her behavior is a serious red flag suggests that she was abused by someone at some point.

If you can't assert the proper boundaries then I would suggest finding a relative or another healthy adult to hand custody over to, because continuing these scenerios is unacceptable.

The little girl lost her mum and is terrified she'll lose her dad too, not everyone is abusing their kids.

Basically telling this guy he's doing a bad job and talking about handing over custody isn't exactly helpful.

She might well need some professional help, but just handing her over to someone else would surely give her abandonment issues for life.

I agree that it needs to stop, it's very inappropriate. However, OP knows it's wrong and wants to stop it. There's a load of stupid shit generic "one size fits all" parenting advice in this thread which is conveniently skipping the underlying psychological issues at play.

I personally think OP should get some professional help for the kid rather than asking Reddit. None of us are even remotely qualified to provide the right answer especially since we don't know the kid.

Having said that, OP reached out for help and the person who I replied to basically said "do a better job or give her to someone else.

She even suggested the kid was being abused or had been abused. So now OP might be scared to ask for help in case other people think the same.

Just tell her that if she doesn't clean herself that you'll abandon her. That should shut her up. You sound really beta, no offense.

You need to stand up for yourself, don't let this kid ruin your life. You need to say, "no, I'm not coming into the bathroom with you.

No negotiations, you're the adult here. I don't know why this is being downvoted because it's the best advice.

As a mother of two myself I have found that you have to lay down the law, period. The tantrums will happen no matter what. As a father of 7, I don't think it's the message itself that got downvoted, but HOW it was said.

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Become a Redditor and join one of thousands of communities. It's as if I've said I don't love her any more - that's the kind of reaction I get1 I'm starting to want a woman's company too - just someone to take out and talk to - and yes, I do miss sex terribly, but I can't imagine what my daughter would say and do, and even if she was OK about it, which I doubt, what if she wanted me to bath her and "do her bums - back and front" while any new partner was down?

Want to add to the discussion? Post a comment! Create an account. I wish you the best of luck. What a helpful and sensible answer! You and your sister should not have been allowed to bathe together probably past the age of 6 or 7 and especially not by the time you reached puberty.

Since this occurred, I would be surprised if you did not have any sexual feelings during your showers and when you touched each other while naked.

In fact I think it would be impossible not to. This is not your fault because you had no idea that this could be damaging to you and your sister's relationship.

Since you so regularly saw each other's secondary sex characteristics and genitals at such a sexually charged age, you probably see her differently than you would if the circumstances were different.

If you think that you feel sexual feelings for her, I think you need to admit it to yourself and then begin dealing with it. She may have this same problem as you.

I would suggest that you talk to your school guidance counselor so you can speak to someone about how terrible this is making you feel.

From here, if you think you need to see a psychologist, I would go ahead and do it if you can. Talking out loud about these things can be very embarrassing to someone of your age and that is completely understandable.

Just know that your counselors WANT to help you and other kids with their problems and understand the kind of mindset you are in.

They have dedicated their career probably for the res of their lives to do just that. So take advantage of it and i is free.

If you do something that you don't think you should do, its okay to feel bad about it, but use it as a learning experience and don't do it again. Or make amends, make a situation right again, apologize etc.

Do not bottle up excessive feelings of guilt; it is unhealthy. Do not feel guilty about sexual urges that you have because they are natural.

But you do need to address the issue with your sister. Good Luck. First of all that was so wrong of your mother to make you two have a shower together i mean you're brother and sister for god sake your mother should respect both yours and your sisters privacy the best thing to do is to talk to your parents about it and tell them what happened in the shower and how uncomfortable it makes you feel its even disgusting that a little sister that would touch her older bro's doodle , tell your sister that what she did was wrong and unacceptable and if she ever tries it again you will tell ur parents , good luck hon i hope that helps I walked in to tell them it was time for bed and I received the shock of my life.

They were all completely naked, standing there talking. I said 'Sorry, can you get into your pyjamas for bed.

None of them bothered to cover themselves or anything. Whats worse is that they didn't want to sleep on the floor so they had joined a king and queen sized bed and were going to all sleep together - naked.

I didn't know how to react but I told them that it might be better if they all slept on the floor but they refused. They remained naked all of today at our house until the other parents started arriving.

I didn't tell the other parents because I didn't know if it was the right thing to do. My daughter's best friend is still here she is staying two nights and they are naked together now.

What do I do? I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it. Every day, all through junior high, high school, and college, I had to stand in a room with a lot more guys than that, all of us naked.

It was called "the PE locker room" and then in high school and college, the "sports teams locker rooms. None of us are scarred for life or got turned gay or anything from it.

It's nothing to get worked up about, they're probably just excited by doing something "forbidden" and will get over it as soon it doesn't feel new and exciting any more.

No, i dont think that you should have stopped to chat but give it a few days and your son wont be too bothered - he knows he came from you after all!

With the strange boy - its normal for your childrens friends to get a crush on their parents if their cute or have a nice body etc.

At least you still got it! So they sleep naked. In some people opinions that's normal ,They learning about there bodies.

There's nothing to worry about unless they are walking around naked doings they shouldn't , most teens now a days do that. Nothing to worry about.

Hope this helps. Well if it really bothers you just tell them nicely that it makes you feel uncomfortable and it is your house after all so they'll have to follow your rules.

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